Imagine for just a moment that you were a little child learning all about the world… and you see this –
And I had to tell you that the colour of the car is blue. Without a doubt, you would believe me. And, you would go on thinking and believing that everything that looks like this, is blue.
You may be asking yourself, ‘what is Ella trying to say today?’
Life Lesson 21 – Core Beliefs
Well folks, my main aim today is to try to explain in a simple way, something that operates unconsciously in our daily lives most of the time unknowingly. These ‘things’ I talk of, are called core beliefs. Core beliefs are those beliefs we form in childhood, that become part of who we are, how we think, believe, see and operate in the world, before we have the capacity, insight, knowledge and awareness to question. Core beliefs are what have become our fundamental beliefs about life, the world, people, relationships, society and ourselves.
Let’s go back to the example I gave at the beginning of this post. If as a child, you were told that the car is blue by a caregiver or someone you loved, you would develop a core belief about that colour and it would become ‘truth’ for you. As a small child, you would not have the knowhow to question what you have been told. Being young, vulnerable, innocent, naive and dependent; naturally, you believed, and thus the colour became ‘blue’ for you.
Of course this example is absurd, because we all know that the TRUE colour of this car is yellow. But I chose this simple example to explain and raise awareness about many negative ‘core beliefs’ which cause us a lot of misery in our lives. Of course the ones I speak of are not so evident to spot as this colour example. However, knowing these facts about your core beliefs and those of others can be very liberating. Recognising negative core beliefs and ultimately challenging them and ‘rewriting’ new ones can turn our life around completely.
Our core beliefs are formed when we spend time as infants and young children with our primary caregivers, usually parents, sibling, close relatives, then teachers, friends and so on. Each of these have interacted with us in some way that has influenced our understanding of ourselves, others, life and so on. For example, Kim has repeatedly heard that she is stupid and good for nothing. Naturally, way back when she was too tiny to reason things out, she believed it; thus her core belief about herself became ‘I’m stupid and useless person.’ And subsequently, her whole life, her thoughts, actions and choices have centered around the core belief that she is stupid. So she didn’t bother taking that exam, applying for that job and so on, because she believes that she is indeed stupid.
What I am inviting you to do today, is to question your core beliefs to discover whether in actual fact they are true, useful and valid for you. Without this awareness, most of our lives are spent in misery operating from false assumptions. We see the world and live according to most of the negative core beliefs we have which are simply false, irrational, illogical, distorted or senseless for us.
Just as you can clearly see that the colour of the car above is yellow, and that you have no qualms about objecting and telling me ‘NO! It’s yellow, not blue!’ So to honour the essence of your being and question your core beliefs. Here are two examples of negative core beliefs I have heard:
‘Men have to be tough. If men show their feelings, they are weak and feminine.’
‘I have to follow my father’s and grandfather’s footsteps and become a lawyer to preserve the family name.’
The people who have made these claims, have believed them to be fundamentally true because these have become core beliefs learned at an age when they did not have the capacity to discern, to check validity, to question. And we have many many core beliefs which shape our life and condition it. In actual fact, these can be positive or negative. Both greatly determine what will happen of us unless we have this awareness and insight to question, reframe and change our core beliefs to bring them in line with who we really are.
A person who has been repeatedly told as a young child that ‘you can do it!’ ‘you are strong and brave!’ will grow up believing in herself. A child repeatedly being exposed to parents who fight and are verbally abusive to each other learns to believe that this is the way love in relationships ought to be expressed.
Our core beliefs are deeply ingrained within us and hard to change. Many a time, we get upset when someone comes along with different core beliefs and tries to challenge us. I quite like this quote here:
Take some time to reflect upon your core beliefs; both positive and negative. The challenge isworth it :)
For further information about how to change your core beliefs, click on the link here: How to change your core beliefs
Until next time :)
Blessings from Ella