Judgement. As a kid growing up, I was taught that judgement is an ugly thing. Isn’t it? Weren’t you taught the same? Well, here’s a reflection that I hope offers you enlightenment as it did for me when I was inspired. You see, there are two types of judgement. The first is the one we all know about; the second is a skill we are not taught.
Life Lesson 22 – Two types of Judgement
Judgement as Condemnation
The first understanding of judgement is the one we are all familiar with. When we are judged, we feel that we are not accepted for who we are, we feel misunderstood and thus miserable, sad, lonely. We’ve all been judged before; those glaring looks of disdain, the whispers, the messages, the silence – that outright condemnation that feels like we’ve been beheaded by a guillotine and left to be laughed at in the square of some medieval village.
And how about when we’ve condemned others, for not living up to our perceived standards, morals, view of what we think they should be, do and say?
It’s not rocket science to conclude that judgement as condemnation is a violation of the human spirit. No matter what your spiritual beliefs or non-beliefs are, we can all agree that judgement as condemnation poisons not only the one being judged, but also the one doing the judging. Ideally, being conscious of this, we would all benefit from rising above condemnation and moving more toward respect and acceptance of differences – you know, live and let live.
Judgement as Discernment
But… there is another type of judgement. One which unfortunately we rarely hear of. One we are not taught about and which I wish to share with you today. And this type of judgement, contrary to the one above, is an essential skill which is imperative to hone. And this type of judgement is discernment. It keeps us safe, at peace and protects us from unnecessary and avoidable pain and suffering.
Take a moment to consider this scenario:
Tom, a new guy comes to work or to your class/ group/team. You do not know him at all. Instinctively, as human nature would have it, you’d observe Tom, give him a once-over and form some sort of preliminary ‘opinion’ about him. If you happen to like Tom, you are accepting of him and pass a favourable comment. But if something about him does not click with you, odds are you’d make some kind of comment to your friend like: ‘Look at those tattoos!’, ‘Did he look in the mirror this morning?’, ‘His accent shows where he comes from pff.’
Looking at this scenario at face value, we conclude that in the first instance, you are not judging and in the second you are… and we’d stop at that, looking at judgement only from a condemnation perspective. But here, I offer you another perspective. Look at the same scene, this time judging Tom through discernment.
Tom, a new guy arrives. You take a look at him. Although you cannot help thinking something about him, your preliminary thoughts do not take over because you now know from experience, that it is foolish to do so.
Yes, it is foolish… Perhaps you have experienced time and again, people who you immediately liked, trusted, opened up your heart to and grown to love – who have then hurt you and betrayed you; AND the contrary - others who you were quick to condemn because their standard didn’t ‘reach’ yours, only to discover later what a nice and awesome, loving person they are. This is because judgement from the condemnation (or not) perspective is inadequate and unhealthy.
So what do you do? You purposefully choose to remain neutral about Tom. You do not judge him, neither to condemn him and ‘kick him to the curb’, nor to put him in your good books and be blind sighted in awe. No. You quiet your mind and sit like an anthropologist in observation. You take your time to discern. You see how the person interacts with others, his thoughts, values, principles, ideas and most importantly of all – that his actions are congruent to his words and that he is consistent across time and situations. Please know how important these observations are for you. If you want to protect yourself, take time to judge by discernment. It is both smart and kind to do so.
To judge by condemnation is petty, but to judge by discernment is wise. Please make the distinction between the two types of judgement with no guilt or hesitation. The first type we ought to steer clear of, but the second is an essential life skill to hone. And it is also one we ought to teach our children so they can learn to protect themselves too. If only we knew this before, we would have discerned that that person was harmful to us because we would have seen that his/her actions were not congruent to their words and that they were not consistent across time and situations. Whilst we do not have a right to condemn, we do have a right to protect ourselves and others. So perhaps we can scrap judgement by condemnation and practice judgement by discernment, shall we? :)
Until next time xx
Blessings from Ella