Why?! Why did this happen to me? Why did I pass through that horrible experience?
How many times have we asked ourselves this question? Unable to accept or find reason for the suffering, pain, injustice we have experienced. .. why me?
Before you read on my dear friend, I want to tell you something very gently and very genuinely… If you are presently passing through the terrible experience or the aftermath of it, the inspirations found here may seem too abstract. You may say to yourself after reading it, “Yes okay, and so?! Knowing this is not making me feel better and I am still in the same situation!” And because I empathise so well with this, please allow me to kindly suggest reading about Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and the Kübler-Ross model also referred to as The 5 Stages of Grief after reading this blog post. The reason is that if you are presently passing through one of the early stages, the following may not seem useful; but if you are ‘ready’, these words may transform your life :)
Life Lesson 6 – The Grand Design
I have often asked myself the infamous “why” question. Unable to bear the pain, scarred and bruised by an experience, an injustice; desperate to know why. What is the meaning of this?
These "whys" are usually followed by existential questions, some doubt the existence of God, some doubt the meaning of life and a million other doubts and questions arise that have a ripple effect on every area of our life.
I have finally found the answer to my "whys ". I really want to share this with you because I hope with all my heart and soul that it will console you. I can feel your pain because your pain is my pain. .. although our "whys" are different, the sorrow we feel is the same. The anger, confusion, desperation, injustice - all of it, yes there is a reason and an answer. (An answer not the answer... for this is my one humble perspective from the countless others out there).
The answer lies in THE GRAND DESIGN.
But beforehand, please allow me to say that you are free of course, to accept or reject my answer. I honour your freedom of choice! Our journey together is based on authenticity and acceptance and I wouldn't have it any other way :) So Listen up, perhaps your "whys" might find an answer today.
We are all part of a Grand Design. Albeit unique individuals, we are all intimately connected, all of humanity, since the beginning of time and until forever. I need you to think big here, or else it would be impossible to comprehend. We are all intimately connected, like pieces of a grand jigsaw puzzle. We are all part of this humungous jigsaw puzzle that together, each and every piece, each and every one of us, is intended to fit together to make this beautiful picture - A Grand Design.
Now, just like putting together a real jigsaw puzzle, life works in the same way. .. except that in life, we don't get to see the picture on the box, so we don't really understand what the final picture is going to look like. And this jigsaw puzzle happens on two levels, my personal life puzzle and how my life puzzle fits in with yours and everyone else's to form The Grand Design.
Okay, so now that you can envision this awesome puzzle, here comes the answer to your "why".
That experience you keep asking "why" about is not random. It has a purpose. It ultimately forms part of the Grand Design. This may sound crazy, but think about it. I am not undermining what has happened to you. But truth is we can't make it 'unhappen'. I cannot make what happened to me go away. .. and neither can you. So what are we going to do about that? What are we going to do with that puzzle piece? Because WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE, I hope you realize that :)
In seeing the Grand Design, I will tell you what I have chosen to do... Why Ella, why did that happen to you? The answer is, it happened to me so that I can use that experience to find my calling, the meaning and purpose of my life! Life has presented me with some "whys", some puzzle pieces I didn't want or understand, just like you. One day, I read a quote once that started this entire Grand Design concept. It’s Romans 8:28. I believed that there was a purpose to all of them.
Why did that happen to me and to you? Clearly, no matter what answer I give you, one fact remains – we cannot make it “unhappen”. We cannot ever, even if we ignore it, suppress it, live in anger or denial because of it and so on – no matter what we do, we cannot make it “unhappen”…
Knowing this reality, only one fruitful, positive and life changing answer remains… It happened so that I can use it, transform it, rise above it to become a better person and above all TO HELP OTHERS! Those experiences in some way have a meaning. They are part of the Grand Design. I have chosen to take my puzzle pieces and to use them for the good of others (studying to become a counsellor and writing this blog!). So now, even I am transformed. I am not broken by the experiences, I am better and wiser because of them. I can use them to reach out and help others.
And the answer to your "whys" can be the same. What trauma have you been through? What is that thing you keep asking 'why' about? Pick it up and very gently ask yourself, knowing that it can't 'unhappen', what can I do with it? What can I do with this puzzle piece? How and where does it fit into the Grand Design?
I can list hundreds of names of people, HEROES, who have turned their adversity into positive action. Please look them up :) Hugh Herr, Nick Vujicic, Oprah Winfrey are a few. I am blessed to know some people who have transformed their adversity into something positive; some are even following this blog :) People who have used their disability, misfortune, illness, failures, history of drugs, abuse, you name it... all kinds of suffering. .. all their "whys" transformed to help humanity and in turn, to give purpose and meaning to their own life!
And YOU have the choice to do the same! :)
There is an answer to your "whys"! Find it! Rise like a phoenix from the ashes, the time has come for you to do your part in The Grand Design!
You may be asking yourself, but what is the Grand Design? I don’t understand it or see it; this is too vague for me. Well in truth, we cannot see nor fully comprehend the Grand Design because it connects all humanity through space and time… but we don't have to see the whole picture :) consider that we can all enjoy putting the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together even though we don’t have the picture on the box for reference!
So now you might be thinking, “are you telling me that I had to pass through that horrible trauma because it was part of some master plan?!” My answer is “no”. Evil things are not part of The Grand Design! But unfortunately they do happen because we all have freewill. All of humanity is given pieces of the puzzle to do with them as they please – choice and freewill. So if you're thinking of things like war, hate crimes, abuse and terrorism... those are brought about by people who chose to use their freewill not to connect the puzzle pieces, but to destroy the puzzle. Yes unfortunately this is also reality.
These tragedies were never part of the Grand Design, but with faith and hope we can transform them to be part of the Grand Design. Think of people like Malala and Mandela. For further insight read "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. Here is an 8 minute summary of the book: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-srD1Deh9Xg For those interested in a spiritual perspective read "The Inner Voice of Love" by Henry J. M. Nouwen.
I really hope this inspires you in some way xxx Please share if it did! Til next time, “Peace out awesome soul”.
Blessings from Ella