Hello again precious soul. I hope you are well… and if you are not, then please receive sunshine and a few words for reflection :) I hope they will make you feel a little better xx
Life Lesson 11 - Life is not fair
You may be asking yourself, “how is telling me that life isn’t fair going to make me feel better?!” Haha :) that’s me, I love paradox; I just love things that aren’t supposed to make sense and then finding the meaning to give them sense ;) Hear me out and see what you think. As promised in a previous blog, on our soul journey together I can only humbly give you what I have learned through experience and research and through my profession; from my worldview at the present moment. I value freedom and choice, thus, as always, I only offer you these insights to set you thinking and reflecting… make of them what you will and adapt them, enhance them, reframe them or discard them, either way you will learn :)
So… Yes. Life is not fair.
Life never was fair.
Life is not fair presently.
And no matter what, it will never ever be fair.
Sorry for the slap in the face. But my hopes for you are that you really understand this truth and accept it. Please take a few moments to let it sink in. If necessary, repeat “Life is not fair” a few times… then we can move on :) If this comes as a shock to you, here's something to console you before continuing:
Now that you’ve accept this as reality, we can work! We can actually discover how liberating it is to know and accept that life is not fair and then to learn skills for reframing your thinking. Let’s begin shall we?
One of the key reasons for our stress, sorrow, anxiety and hurts is that we have an innate and irrational belief that life is fair. Then, because deep down we believe and expect life to be fair, we get all worked up, angry, stressed and filled with anxiety because we simply cannot accept the unfairness! So let me say it once more: Life is not fair. If you are prepared to accept that and rewire your thinking to believe that life is not fair, then we can do something about it ;)
Life isn’t fair, but Life is good Exercise
- Remind yourself daily that ‘Life is not fair’. With this new belief lies your freedom.
- Now imagine you find yourself in a situation where ‘life is not fair’. (Please note that here I am not talking about things that have to do with human rights, the law or criminal injustice; I am talking about usual things that happen in life, big or small). What are you going to do about it? Because HERE is where your freedom lies! The moment that the unfair thing happens PAUSE just PAUSE for a moment.
- Now during that pause there is a space, and in that space is where the change is going to happen. So, unfair thing has happened and you have paused and not reacted… now remind yourself, that since life is unfair it is useless wasting energy being angry etc that the unfair thing has happened. Think “It happened and I accept it”. BUT but but… you are not a Victim of this unfairness, you are going to transform yourself into a Victor. Step 4 tells you how.
- As you are in that space, fully accept that life is not fair. Now let go, totally let go of the way things should have happened in your mind. This step is the hardest. If you can practice this step often until you rewire your thinking to do this automatically, then the next steps are easier.
- Ok recap, so the unfair thing has happened and you have accepted it and let go of your expectations and ‘shoulds’. Now what? Now you learn two strategies: First is “How am I going to react? What am I choosing as a reaction in the immediate moment?” and What am I going to do about it at this very moment? Second is “What am I going to learn from this?”
Here is a simple example to show you how to work this out:
Stuck in Traffic - thought process:
- Life is not fair.
- I PAUSE and do not react by getting stressed, anxious, angry or worked up.
- Life is not fair, I am stuck in traffic, I acknowledge it and I accept it.
- I let go of the way I expected it to be. I choose to be a victor and this situation is not going to get the better of me.
- First - Since I can do nothing about the traffic, I am not going to react negatively. I am not going to get angry, stressed or anxious because if I do, anger, stress and anxiety won’t get me out of traffic; so getting worked up is useless. I choose to remain calm because remaining calm is good for my health and mental wellbeing. AND At this moment as I am in the car, I am going to utilize this time effectively (instead of wasting it being angry) by listening to my favourite music, saying my daily affirmations, praying or mantras, listening to an audiobook about motivation or positive thinking, talking to a passenger if you are not alone, practicing mindfulness, positive self-talk etc… you see there is so much you can do sitting in a traffic jam! :) And now that you have seen a new perspective, why would you waste your time being stressed, which is not beneficial to you in any way? Second – Look for the life lesson, yes even stuck in traffic. Are you meant to learn patience? Or to let go of things you can’t control? Or time management? Every moment has a teacher, look out for it; and every situation will have meaning for your growth.
The above is a minor example, but the strategy can be used in almost any situation. Once you accept that life isn’t fair and you let go of your expectations and ‘shoulds’, you can choose to react positively for your own wellbeing, you can make good use of the opportunity to do something fruitful and best of all you can learn a life lesson. Hope this new perspective helps you in some way :)
I got some of my inspiration for this post from a person whose philosophy I greatly admire, Dr Viktor Frankl. I leave you with some of his quotes:
Blessings from Ella