Soul on a Journey

Why?! Why did this happen to me? Why did I pass through that horrible experience?
How many times have we asked ourselves this question? Unable to accept or find reason for the suffering, pain, injustice we have experienced. .. why me? 

Before you read on my dear friend, I want to tell you something very gently and very genuinely… If you are presently passing through the terrible experience or the aftermath of it, the inspirations found here may seem too abstract. You may say to yourself after reading it, “Yes okay, and so?! Knowing this is not making me feel better and I am still in the same situation!” And because I empathise so well with this, please allow me to kindly suggest reading about Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and the Kübler-Ross model also referred to as The 5 Stages of Grief after reading this blog post. The reason is that if you are presently passing through one of the early stages, the following may not seem useful; but if you are ‘ready’, these words may transform your life :)

Life Lesson 6 – The Grand Design

I have often asked myself the infamous “why” question. Unable to bear the pain, scarred and bruised by an experience, an injustice; desperate to know why. What is the meaning of this?
These "whys" are usually followed by existential questions, some doubt the existence of God, some doubt the meaning of life and a million other doubts and questions arise that have a ripple effect on every area of our life.  

I have finally found the answer to my "whys ".  I really want to share this with you because I hope with all my heart and soul that it will console you. I can feel your pain because your pain is my pain. .. although our "whys" are different, the sorrow we feel is the same. The anger, confusion, desperation, injustice - all of it, yes there is a reason and an answer. (An answer not the answer... for this is my one humble perspective from the countless others out there).

The answer lies in THE GRAND DESIGN.
But beforehand, please allow me to say that you are free of course, to accept or reject my answer. I honour your freedom of choice! Our journey together is based on authenticity and acceptance and I wouldn't have it any other way :) So Listen up, perhaps your "whys" might find an answer today. 

We are all part of a Grand Design. Albeit unique individuals, we are all intimately connected, all of humanity, since the beginning of time and until forever. I need you to think big here, or else it would be impossible to comprehend. We are all intimately connected, like pieces of a grand jigsaw puzzle.  We are all part of this humungous jigsaw puzzle that together, each and every piece, each and every one of us, is intended to fit together to make this beautiful picture - A Grand Design. 

Now, just like putting together a real jigsaw puzzle, life works in the same way. .. except that in life, we don't get to see the picture on the box, so we don't really understand what the final picture is going to look like. And this jigsaw puzzle happens on two levels, my personal life puzzle and how my life puzzle fits in with yours and everyone else's to form The Grand Design. 

Okay, so now that you can envision this awesome puzzle, here comes the answer to your "why".
That experience you keep asking "why" about is not random. It has a purpose. It ultimately forms part of the Grand Design. This may sound crazy, but think about it. I am not undermining what has happened to you. But truth is we can't make it 'unhappen'. I cannot make what happened to me go away. .. and neither can you. So what are we going to do about that? What are we going to do with that puzzle piece? Because WE ALWAYS HAVE A CHOICE, I hope you realize that :)

In seeing the Grand Design, I will tell you what I have chosen to do... Why Ella, why did that happen to you? The answer is, it happened to me so that I can use that experience to find my calling, the meaning and purpose of my life! Life has presented me with some "whys", some puzzle pieces I didn't want or understand, just like you. One day, I read a quote once that started this entire Grand Design concept. It’s Romans 8:28. I believed that there was a purpose to all of them.

Why did that happen to me and to you? Clearly, no matter what answer I give you, one fact remains – we cannot make it “unhappen”. We cannot ever, even if we ignore it, suppress it, live in anger or denial because of it and so on – no matter what we do, we cannot make it “unhappen”…

Knowing this reality, only one fruitful, positive and life changing answer remains… It happened so that I can use it, transform it, rise above it to become a better person and above all TO HELP OTHERS! Those experiences in some way have a meaning. They are part of the Grand Design. I have chosen to take my puzzle pieces and to use them for the good of others (studying to become a counsellor and writing this blog!). So now, even I am transformed. I am not broken by the experiences, I am better and wiser because of them. I can use them to reach out and help others. 

And the answer to your "whys" can be the same. What trauma have you been through? What is that thing you keep asking 'why' about? Pick it up and very gently ask yourself, knowing that it can't 'unhappen', what can I do with it? What can I do with this puzzle piece? How and where does it fit into the Grand Design?

I can list hundreds of names of people, HEROES, who have turned their adversity into positive action. Please look them up :) Hugh Herr, Nick Vujicic, Oprah Winfrey are a few. I am blessed to know some people who have transformed their adversity into something positive; some are even following this blog :) People who have used their disability, misfortune, illness, failures, history of drugs, abuse, you name it... all kinds of suffering. .. all their "whys" transformed to help humanity and in turn, to give purpose and meaning to their own life! 

And YOU have the choice to do the same!  :)
There is an answer to your "whys"! Find it! Rise like a phoenix from the ashes, the time has come for you to do your part in The Grand Design! 

You may be asking yourself, but what is the Grand Design? I don’t understand it or see it; this is too vague for me. Well in truth, we cannot see nor fully comprehend the Grand Design because it connects all humanity through space and time… but we don't have to see the whole picture :) consider that we can all enjoy putting the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle together even though we don’t have the picture on the box for reference!

So now you might be thinking, “are you telling me that I had to pass through that horrible trauma because it was part of some master plan?!” My answer is “no”.  Evil things are not part of The Grand Design! But unfortunately they do happen because we all have freewill. All of humanity is given pieces of the puzzle to do with them as they please – choice and freewill. So if you're thinking of things like war, hate crimes, abuse and terrorism... those are brought about by people who chose to use their freewill not to connect the puzzle pieces, but to destroy the puzzle. Yes unfortunately this is also reality. 
These tragedies were never part of the Grand Design, but with faith and hope we can transform them to be part of the Grand Design. Think of people like Malala and Mandela. For further insight read "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl. Here is an 8 minute summary of the book: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-srD1Deh9Xg   For those interested in a spiritual perspective read "The Inner Voice of Love" by Henry J. M. Nouwen.

I really hope this inspires you in some way xxx Please share if it did! Til next time, “Peace out awesome soul”.

Blessings from Ella

Hey! How about we take a stroll in the garden so we can continue that conversation we started yesterday?! :)

Life Lesson 5 – THE One

So imagine if I had to tell you that I know this awesome person who would be with you forever, no matter what… Someone who would never leave you, always be with you, through thick and thin and totally understand all that you have gone through and are going through right now. I bet you’d tell me, ‘Yes!! I want to meet this person!’ Perhaps you’re thinking that I’m going to sell you some fairy tale story… I assure you that I am not :) I am here to make you a promise, that this awesome person I’m talking about is THE one for you. This person I am talking about is _____________ (PLEASE INSERT YOUR NAME ON THE LINE)!

YOU, yes you are the one! You are the person who is never going to leave you. This is actually mind blowing if you think about it. Let me explain, referring to myself first, but as we’re walking and chatting away, imagine yourself got it? Okay here goes. So Ella is the one person who is always with me. I cannot ever change this reality. In truth, I can walk away from every single person on earth, and everyone can abandon me… except Ella. She will always be with me because she IS me. This realisation has immense power, enlightenment and potential. You see, we practically live our entire existence from ‘without’. Every relationship we have is with other people. We expect great relationships with our spouses, partners, friends, family and colleagues; but we almost never think of having a great relationship with ourselves! And because of this, practically all our other relationships end up being mediocre at some point.

So let’s imagine you are meeting yourself for the first time. Please do so right now. Hover above and take a bird’s eye view and imagine these two people meeting each other – ‘you’ and ‘You’ (perhaps I’m sounding mad, but entertain the thought and see where it takes you!) You will realise immediately that because ‘you’ knows ‘You’, you have to be completely honest! You can’t try to impress or wear a mask, you have to be genuine or else you’d know :P And so ‘You’ tells ‘you’ about life experiences and all that you’ve been through; the ups and downs, the hardships and joys, your strengths and talents and things you’ve achieved and things you’re proud of; your greatest mistakes and your most shameful experiences and failures… the light and the dark within you – everything, ‘You’ bears his/her soul to ‘you’…

And when you listen to the story, you naturally feel overwhelmed and touched by all this person has been through, because you understand exactly what it feels like when ‘You’ had that experience, passed through that thing… ‘You’ also shows ‘you’ talents, hopes, dreams, wishes, desires and goodness. When you see ‘You’ for ALL that he/she is, I bet you can’t help but say “Wow! This person is a hero! Look at all ‘You’ has been through and is still here, fighting the good fight!”

So now I ask you to consider this. Be honest with ‘You’ ;) how do you talk to ‘You’? Do you give ‘You’ a hard time? Are you negative and mean with ‘You’? Are you kind and loving with ‘You’ or are you bullying and harassing ‘You’?! What kind of relationship do you have with ‘You’?! Do you treat ‘You’ with kindness and compassion or do you treat ‘You’ like crap?!

As with all relationships, we reap what we sow. So let’s be frank here. This ‘You’ person ain’t going anywhere so you might as well start liking him/her! :) How can you live with ‘You’ if you don’t like the person? So how can you grow to love ‘You’? Firstly, give ‘You’ a break mate!! Stop being so critical and harsh and unforgiving whenever ‘You’ makes a mistake. ‘You’ is only human, every human errs, it’s in our nature, birds fly, fish swim, people screw up… accept it! If I fell over right now what would you do? You’d probably help me up and see that I’m okay… So do the same with ‘You’. And if someone had to come up to me and start calling me offensive and hurtful insults, you’d probably defend me wouldn’t you? (I hope so!) Same goes with ‘You’ – you cannot allow anyone to treat ‘You’ like crap, not even you!

Secondly, if there’s something ‘You’ needs to change or improve, help ‘You’ change it! Help, encourage, be a good friend to ‘You’! Whatever you would do with someone you love, do with ‘You’!

And now I’d like to have a word with ‘You’. STOP letting you or anyone treat ‘You’ like crap! ‘You’ deserve better than that! ‘You’ deserve true unconditional love, to be treated with respect, to cultivate your talents, to work towards your goals, to dream and live a good peaceful life… ‘You’ deserve well-being and you of all people have the power within you to give it to ‘You’!! So what are you waiting for?!

First seek to be THE one to ‘You’… then you will find the one, and be the one for others.

Now how about an ice-cold glass of iced tea?! :)

Blessings from Ella

Let’s you and I have a coffee together whilst I reach out and share my thoughts with you. Let’s sit on a bench by the sea together in stillness, just listening to the sound of the waves, looking out at the ebb and flow of the tide and reflecting…

Life Lesson 4 – Less Noise, More Love

Hmmm LESS NOISE... Wow, less noise can be scary. Did you notice that noise gives us a sense of safety and security? When we are lonely or sad, when we are alone for even a brief moment, we almost immediately turn to our cell phones, switch on some music or the TV… we surf the net, go to our favourite social media platform or run somewhere as fast as we can to ‘drown out’ that void... our sadness, our loneliness and our fear. It's hard to just sit there... with ourselves.

OUR FEAR… what are we afraid of? Perhaps… We are afraid of listening to our Inner Voice. We are afraid that if we stop and listen to our Inner Voice, it will tell us things we think we can’t handle… such as how broken and hurt we are, perhaps lies we keep telling ourselves, perhaps false masks we wear because we are so desperate to be loved and accepted; or how to be our true selves without living up to others’ expectations… scary stuff! You know, facing the dreaded darkness within, that we all so conveniently negate…

So we drown it all out with ‘noise’ of all kinds because this is what the world teaches us. This is what the media and pop culture tries to brainwash us with. We use all the earthly illusions that we find to do this… Everyone has his own “drugs of illusion”, what are yours? Fashion, fame, a hobby which borders on obsession, alcohol, sex, sport, friends, partying, religiosity, an unhealthy relationship, power, status, career… In essence, these can be good things, but only if they enhance our life, not if they alienate us from it.

We can run and we can hide… but we can’t run forever. One day we’ll get tired of running and the noise will stop and we will be left in silence to face our Inner Voice…

Our Inner Voice is actually an awesome voice! :D It tells us to seek less noise and more love.

That is what we really want – more love. That is what we are all forever seeking – as children, as teens, as adults… we want love. And deep down we all know what kind of love we want. Real, true, authentic, genuine unconditional love. Not the falsities portrayed in Hollywood movies, music videos and cheap songs. No, it’s something more, deeper, authentic, raw and real. It’s that knowing deep in your heart that someone genuinely cares, understands, loves and appreciates you for who you really are; for your light and your darkness...

So our encounter ends with a question… which do you want - more noise or more love? And where does this love begin? It begins from within yourself… and only then can it be found in our connection with others.

Let’s keep talking more about this next time shall we? :) Until then, “Peace out awesome soul!”

Blessings from Ella

People disappoint us don’t they? They let us down. Sometimes when we need them most. And we get hurt, angry, upset and offended. Hand on heart now… we disappoint people too. We let them down when they need us and they too feel hurt and angry.

What we don’t realise however is the reality that we are all awesome but broken human beings trying our best to live life from our point of view and level of depth, knowledge, understanding and experience. We also forget that life is a journey of growth… what are we invited to reflect upon today?

Life Lesson 2 – Perspectives on People

Imagine that you want to teach a three-year-old algebra. Algebra is a good thing, however, it is highly unlikely that a three-year-old is cognitively able to understand it (unless she’s a Mensa candidate, but you get my point!) She may perhaps understand it when she is ten, but no matter how hard you try and no matter how good your intentions are – she cannot understand you, simply because the time has not yet come for her to understand algebra. She needs to learn and understand a plethora of other mathematical concepts beforehand.

Similarly, we are like this three-year-old; yes all of us. We are told things, we read things and sometimes even experience them; but we do not understand or accept them because the time has not yet come. Life has a funny way of repeating situations until WE LEARN the life lesson we need for our journey. Once we learn the lesson, the obstacles will disappear and we move on to the next lesson.

Please allow me to be bold and say that I am quite certain of this. I can even prove it to you :) Stop and think, about you or someone you know for a moment. How many times did you hear or say something like these - “it keeps happening to me”, “my friends always….”, “all my boyfriends/girlfriends are….”, “whatever I do, I always….”

Now please realise (as I did) that the only thing in common is always You (or the person in question). A friend once told me that he had the greatest misfortune that all his girlfriends turned out to be possessive! I humbly asked him what the common denominator was in all the relationships and it was then that he realized that it was he who was repeatedly doing something to make them react that way. This happens to all of us… We keep getting more of the same until WE LEARN the lesson and choose to change and grow!

The moral? “Awareness”. Be aware of things that keep repeating in your life. See the obstacles and understand what you are meant to learn to become a better person.

Another life changing moment was when I truly understood the meaning of an expression we have in my native language, which roughly translated amounts to ‘people can only give you from what they themselves have’. Let me illustrate this philosophical thought simply. Imagine that your friend has a basket full of juicy red apples. You ask her for an apple and she gladly gives you one. The next day however, she runs out of apples and has nothing to offer you. Clearly, this person cannot give you an apple because she does not have any.

The same goes with all of us. We can only give to others that which is inside ourselves and we can only receive from a person that which he is able to give. Many times we get disappointed and hurt because we expect from others that which we are willing to give, or that which they have given us in the past… When most of the times, the truth is simply that one’s basket (emotionally, psychologically, spiritually, financially or physically) is empty; thus we, or that person has nothing to give.

What I’m trying to say here is “compassion” for each other and for ourselves. Allow others and yourself time to replenish the basket without being so hasty to judge or dismiss.

My hopes for you are that this awareness will bring positive changes in your relationships! Until next time, “Peace out awesome soul!”

Blessings from Ella

"Keep going, you're worth it! "
I hear the woman from my running app encouraging me to carry on! :)

Wow! Just what I needed to hear at that moment when the scorching sun was beating on my face and my heart was pounding as I was trudging on breathlessly… And just then it hit me… "This is it!" I thought to myself! This is how I shall begin my first blog post… because THIS is what we all want to hear just at the point when we are contemplating on giving up. We want HOPE. We want to hear that voice encouraging us to keep going, because we ARE worth it! Yes my friend, you are worth it! You are unique and awesome and you are here for a special purpose. Your life has meaning and value and I want to inspire you, empower you and share with you what I have been learning on my adventure!

First, a few words to introduce myself! I’m Ella and I shout out a big “Hello” to all my awesome friends from near and far :) Those of you who I have known for years and those of you who I will meet here - WELCOME!!! I invite you to journey with me on this awesome adventure called life. Why? Because I have a passion burning inside me that I want to share with you! 

A little about myself. .. I have been an educator for 16 years and am presently a counsellor in training and in the final phase of my Master of Arts in Transcultural Counselling. I hail from Malta, but have lived in Canada and Australia and have traveled extensively. Everywhere I have been has offered me brilliant and awe-inspiring life lessons that I want to share with you. So lace up your trekking boots and prepare yourself for a life changing experience! Let's go!!

Life Lesson 1 - Perspective 

The first story that had a radical impact on my life was the one I shall share with you here which I have titled “The Accident”. It is a story I heard many years ago during a conference on Thinking Skills led by the esteemed Dr Edward de Bono. I shall recount it in my own words since more than 20 years have passed and I cannot find it anywhere to cite it officially. However, please note that the story is not mine, I am borrowing the concept from Dr Edward de Bono to illustrate today’s awesome life lesson about perspective. So here goes!

The Accident

A minor accident occurred one morning in a small village. A van smashed head-on into a huge tree. Since nothing much ever happened in this small town, it caused a stir among the locals and a reporter was on the scene chasing the story for the local newspaper. However, the van had already been towed away when he arrived. So he interviewed two eye witnesses who were present at the time of the crash. The eye witnesses were standing on opposite sides of the road. The eye witness standing on the left side of the road told the reporter that a blue van lost control and crashed into the tree. The other eye witness, who had been standing on the right side of the road at the time of the accident, told the reporter that a red van smashed head on into the tree.

The reporter was perplexed. Both eye witnesses swore that they were telling the truth. And yet, one claimed the van was blue, whilst the other vowed the van was red. How is this possible? How could they both be telling the ‘truth’? Take some time to think about it before reading on… :)

The reporter, wanting to get to the bottom of it, decided to go to speak to the owner of the van. The van owner started laughing when the reporter asked him to confirm the colour of his van… Was it red or blue?! “Both!” He exclaimed. “It depends from where you’re looking at it really!” He continued, and went on to show the reporter a photo of the van which was painted half red and half blue! The owner concluded by saying, “You see, it’s all a matter of perspective… if you look at the left side of the van, you will see it blue, but if you look at the right side, it is red. However, it is the one who sees it from all sides that realizes that it is both red and blue!”

This story blew me away. I hope it has the same effect on you :) I hope it sets you thinking about perspective, perception and truth… I hope it challenges you to think beyond the confines of what you see and believe to be true… Think of whatever it is that you are struggling with at the moment. Have you ever ‘crossed the road’ to see what ‘it’ looks like from the other side? Have you ever hovered over it, taking a helicopter view to see it in its entirety? Three words to consider:

• Perspective
• Perception
• Truth

This image can set you thinking:

I want to invite you to journey with me as I show you alternative ways of seeing life, circumstances, yourself and others. I hope you have been enticed by my first post and that I will see you again soon! Until then “Peace out awesome soul!”

Blessings from Ella