Expectations... People expect things from us. They expect us to be how we’ve always been and do what we’ve always done. And we expect things from them... and from ourselves too. We expect to ‘live up to’ the standards that others and that we have put on ourselves. Sometimes we get so caught up with all kinds of expectations, that we unknowingly create or perpetuate anxiety and discomfort. But things can be different if we take some time out to reflect.
Life Lesson 16 – Sit comfortably in that Space
Expectations... It is a disappointing word. Inevitably, when we expect things from ourselves and others, we are inviting disappointment and a barrage of other negative consequences. Perhaps what we need to learn is to sit comfortably in that space. What ‘space’ am I talking about? The space of Stillness. In that space, we can find understanding, compassion, acceptance and redirection. Perhaps we can take a look at that space a little better, shall we? :)
The Stillness Space
Let us begin by exploring the expectations we have of ourselves… Very often this happens on autopilot. We wake up and almost immediately we have expectations of ourselves. And if in some way, we find that we do not live up to them, we begin a spiral of negative self-talk. Please take a minute to reflect upon what you have expected from yourself today… Did you look in the mirror and see dark circles under your eyes, or a new wrinkle, or a pimple or that scar you hate so much? Did you step on the scales and gain or lose too little or too much? Did you wake up ill? Did you fail to make that morning run at the expected time? And in our daily lives, what do we do when we don’t get that job, that girl/guy, that part we auditioned for or the grade we desired? What do we think of ourselves and what do we repeatedly say to ourselves? Our expectations toward self has turned us into monsters; bullies even… and we beat ourselves up for not performing up to our self-imposed standards... Is our inherent worth as human beings measured by some standard we 'have to' reach? Most certainly not. And please do not allow yourself, or the world, to 'measure you' according to anything. Instead of feeding these irrational beliefs, let us reflect.
Sit in that Stillness Space with yourself. Let ‘you’ sit with ‘You’ and re-evaluate the situation. Please be compassionate with yourself. Just as you would be gentle when holding a baby, be gentle with yourself. If you see yourself holistically, where you came from and where you are now, you’d see yourself with more compassion and get a clearer understanding. If you empathise with yourself and accept the moment for what it is and yourself for who you are, you can release your expectations, stop punishing yourself and redirect the way you see yourself. This puts you in a position of power. You are no longer a victim of your expectations. You now have a choice. Given the present circumstances, bar any expectations, and say to yourself “what can I do presently with what I have, who I am and the awareness I have at this present moment?” And keep moving forward. You have infinite value by default of being human. When you let go of expectations and live your potential in the here and now, you thrive.
In the Stillness Space, we can also let go of our expectations of others and their expectations of us. In the Stillness Space we can detach ourselves from the situation and we can be observers. We observe others and ourselves and realise that we are all operating from our unique frame of reference, according to our belief system, level of awareness and consciousness and personal narrative. Sometimes we and others, fall into the trap of expecting things or people to be a certain way because it conforms to their/our own view of the way things 'should' be. Most people (including ourselves) do not have expectations of others because they are selfish. To put it in computing terms, most people just function according to their operating system :) one which has been ‘installed’ in childhood and through life experiences.
This awareness helps us to be more understanding, compassionate, forgiving and detached too. The realisation that we are not obliged to conform or live up to the expectations of others and vice-versa is very enlightening. We no longer feel disappointed, hurt or upset because we understand that we don’t see things the way they are, we see them as we are. And so does everyone else. This amusing picture illustrates this point:
So let’s sit in that Stillness Space every now and then shall we? :) A few moments there will reward us with plenty of peace afterwards. Until next time awesome souls xx
Blessings from Ella